Limits

not my x-ray … but pretty much what happened in both arms.

On June 10th I went out for a run. The first run in almost a year. Looping back around to descend the hill I had previously (huffing and puffingly) climbed, I tripped … fell … and broke both elbows (bilateral radial head fracture).

Five week and a half later and I’m at the limit of my patience. I just want to be WELL already. The list of things I can do is still much longer than the list of things I can’t, but the “can’ts” are feeling heavier and heavier. I want to be able to push myself to seated from lying down or from seated to standing. I want to swim, drive a car, play volleyball and tennis. I want to be able to carry things that weigh more than 2 lbs.

The most challenging thing has been not being able to teach or practice yoga. Five weeks and counting … and my practice has been entirely “off the mat”.

My practice is no longer about downdog and getting into crow. Right now it’s about acknowledging these feelings of frustration, anger and self-pity. It’s acknowledging the few extra pounds that have appeared on my body in the last month and a half. It’s not a fun or easy practice. It’s pretty much sitting in sh*t and just trying to breathe. It’s hard and it sucks.

But I will get better. I will heal. Someday I’ll be back to falling on my face in crow. Someday I’ll stick the damn pose. Someday I’ll be able to swim and carry heavy bags and drive and move my body around the way I want. It will happen.

Patience is a virtue … but sometimes it really bites.

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5 responses to “Limits

  1. Sandy Panzella

    oh I know exactly how you feel……

  2. Hey, hang it there. I feel you. I spent over a month bed ridden from a back injury recently and even then, I couldn’t lie down without pain. And then slowly, I came back to life. It will happen, and when it does, you will look back and realize that you made it! You will also become a better teacher in the end. It’s amazing what we learn through injury. I’ll be back in Boston soon. Hope to see you. Love, Julie

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