The “F” Word

image from thrifyfun.com

Since getting engaged in April, I’ve struggled with the word “fiance”.  It sounds so silly … something to be said in a faux-snobby accent.  “Fee-awn-say.”  It’s been a running gag to find other words to call myself or Ed.  So far there’s been “soon to be hubby”, “that guy I’m marrying” (yeah, that ones real cool), my “betrothed”, my “boyfriend” (looking at you Lisa B!), and generally refering to us as “affianced”.

But now, thanks to Cheap, Healthy, Good, I’ve found the perfect term.

Let me introduce you to the Husband-Elect!

He’s a great guy and even finds this whole process mildly amusing (thank goodness!)

Love you a ton, Husband-Elect!

Falling All Over Myself

photo by Theron Trowbridge @ Flickr

My yoga practice is a mess.  Ever since getting engaged, my brain has been working over time: gotta figure out the budget, gotta deal with the guest list, gotta figure out a date that works for everyone, gotta find a location, gotta figure out the dress; OMG I’m engaged, OMG I’m getting married, blah blah blah BLAH!  It’s a hurricane inside my head.  And Hurricane Wedding is wreaking havoc on my yoga practice.  My breathing is totally off.  Balance is non-existent.  Even in my earliest days, I never wobbled coming up from down dog into warrior I.  Now I can barely make it through the transition without falling over.  And the standing series?  HA!  Forget it.   I’m going to rename the poses to “rapidly setting half moon”, “broken dancer”, “fallen tree”, and “dead eagle”.

The first week was especially frustrating, but by the second week I had figure out my issue — too much thinking about wedding stuff!  Once I figured it out, it was interesting to step back, be the silent observer, and watch myself through my practice.  Diagnosis: I was all over the place — a mess.  But I knew why, and I knew what I needed to do to nurture myself through it.  So I took it back to the beginning.  Dropped my knees in chaturanga, knee down in crescent lunge twist, supported bridge instead of wheel, toe down in eagle and tree, legs up the wall for inversions.  With a heavily modified practice that allowed me to focus on the breathing, I feel like I am coming back into my body and giving my brain a chance to rest.  At the end of a practice, I feel calmer, more focused and settled than a week ago when I’d feel more keyed up and scattered than before class.

This has also been a good lesson in rebuilding.  Previous to The Engagement, I was feeling pretty damn good about my practice.  Feeling like Polly Power Yoga and going for the really challenging stuff.  However, I’ve learned that my base was way off for a lot of these poses.  One prime example is that I’ve been experimenting with reaching back for my foot in half moon.  After ratcheting my practice down, I’ve noticed that my toes are turning in … a lot.  Whoops!

While the first week was really frustrating, and the second week was spent on figuring things out, I got a good sense from last night’s practice that all I need to do is meet my body where it’s at.  It’s telling me to back the heck off for a while until it can catch up.  Since my brain is in overdrive through most of the day, my yoga practice has become less about the workout and more about  nurturing and re-grounding.

One of my goals this week is to get back into meditation.  I think 10 minutes a day of quiet would be immeasurably helpful.

What do you do when life gets overwhelming?  What about for the yogis out there?  Do you have a favorite restorative pose or meditation technique?

Setting My Intention

***Some edits made to this post.  When the I transferred the original from the Word Document to WordPress, some of the text got lost.  Hopefully things make sense, and the “thes” and “ands” are back in.***

These days, I’m finding a lot of parallels between relationships and yoga.  (Well, DUH, you’re probably saying to

image from TeeJe @ Flickr

yourself.)   Anyways, it’s been on my mind a lot, especially during my yoga classes, which is not the best time for thinking. [Thinking: it's great for blogging, not so great for yoga.]

In a yoga practice, the first  5-8 minutes are spent warming up the body, getting to know how your body feels that day, checking in, settling in, discovering.  This is the relationship part – the learning process, the falling in love.  It’s where I fall in love with yoga all over again … those precious moments to check-in, center and evaluate are invaluable.

Both yoga and a new romance bring out the best in a person, and also reveal the imperfections, the insecurities and bad habits.  But like a good partner, yoga will love you because of these.  In teacher training, one quote I loved was “yoga doesn’t want to change you.  It just wants to meet you where you are.”  (I think it was attributed to Brian Kest.)  I think the same is true for finding a  life partner.  It doesn’t matter what the future holds or what happened in the past.  What matters is that in any given moment, you love each other just as you are.  Ed liked me enough to see our relationship through a very rocky start – when I was the most insecure and miserable I had ever been.  This was part of our warm up, much like when that first down dog feels so bad you think you’ll never make it through the practice.  Yet through stretching and centering, seeing what needs some love and attention, what needs extra compassion, and listening to ourselves and each other, we find our way to a greater peace.

After the warm up, but before the full practice, you set an intention.  This is the engagement.  The moment when you make a commitment to yourself (and to someone else) that you are going to work together to bring this intention to fruition.  In yoga, say you set the intention to breathe through the practice.  Some moments you’ll do really well, firing up that ujjayi breath, breathing deep, pouring breath into the muscles, joints, and bones of the body, creating and opening space.  Other times, in a challenging pose, the breath will be constricted, tight, and difficult to find.  An engagement follows the same path – you’ve set the intention to marry, to become a life partner with this other person.  Sometimes things go really well, other times the path gets tougher.  What counts is that you come back to the intention.  Use the intention as the lifeline through the challenges and it will bring you back to effortlessness.

Right now I see our wedding and future like a continuing yoga practice. Some days are great and wonderful and you are a creature of light and love.  Other days are tighter, darker and you rely on that other person to help you find your center again. Then when they have that down day (or days) you return the compassion and love.  One thing I’ve learned is that relationships are never 50-50.  Some days are 80-20, others are 40-60, but rarely are they 50-50.  They take work, dedication and commitment to yourself and to the other person.  Just like yoga takes work, dedication and commitment to the self and to the practice.

Last Saturday, Ed and I set our intention.  So far, the early stages of planning have revealed that we both want our wedding to reflect the authenticity, honesty and simplicity of our relationship.  For me, the biggest of those is authenticity.  This is a concept that has been given new life, because it was my relationship with Ed, combined with the heart-opening work of yoga teacher training, which allowed me to rediscover my own authenticity.  I could not have done this work without Ed’s love and support.

My intention for this wedding, and for our relationship, is to nurture our authenticity as individuals and as partners.  My work will be to create space within myself and within our relationship to build, support and love each other.  Authenticity is my touchstone, my intention, and my prayer in building a life together with a wonderful partner.

P.S. Thank you all who left congratulations and words of love on this blog and elsewhere!  Your support means the world to us.  Ed and I are so grateful.

image from autan @ Flickr

Little Get Away – Big Surprises!

After the wonderful insanity of Yoga School, the boyfriend and I decided we needed some quality time away.  We’ve been doing long distance (about an hour and a half) for the past year, so when yoga school was in session, our weekends together ended.  We chose a weekend near the end of April and planned a little get away.  Or, rather, he planned it all and kept it a total surprise for me, just telling what train I needed to be on from South Station.  All I knew is that we were going to Cape Cod.

The Big Guy & I

Our B&B, the Captain Farris House (which I HIGHLY recommend to anyone looking for a place to stay on the Cape) was beautiful, comfortable and luxurious.  The breakfasts were amazing!!

Captain Farris House

On Saturday we took a drive to some of the local beaches.  The wind was howling and the clouds were pretty thick on the south side of the Cape (by Chatham) so we took a chance and drove north to the National Seashore.  The sky was a crystal clear blue and while it was still pretty blustery, it wasn’t quite as bad as the beach previous.

Chatham Beach

We watched some awesome kite surfers.  I had never seen them before and I was totally captivated.  It kind of looked like snowboarding, on water, attached to a parachute/kite.  Something I’d like to try someday!

Kite Surfer

We walked a little further on the beach and spied some massive sandbags preventing beach erosion.  They looked like a perfect seat so I plopped down and continued to watch the kite surfers.  Next thing I knew, The Big Guy was on one knee in front of me, with a prepared speech, and ASKED ME TO MARRY HIM!

The spot

Through tears and laughter I said yes.  (Of course.)

The Big Guy gave me a beautiful necklace as a “placeholder” until we can go ring shopping together.  (He knew I wanted to help pick out my own ring.)

engagement necklace

What a weekend!!  We rounded it out with a delicious dinner out at a local restaurant and a side-trip to Plimouth Plantation on the way back to Cambridge.

So, to answer the questions I’m sure you’re all asking:

No, we do not have a date picked out.    We’re just going to enjoy the engagement and work on eventually living in the same place.  That’s goal #1.  Well, actually #2.  #1 is getting a ring