Day 10 and all I can say is that I’m PISSED. Frustrated. Angry. Unhappy. I started this challenge with the intention of finding some quiet and space in my life. All it’s done so far is stress me out!
Finding even 10 minutes a day is proving alarmingly hard to do and I’m not ready to give up sleep or my own personal yoga practice to accomodate one more thing.
And that’s just it … it’s one more thing that I SHOULD do. Who says? I hear all the time that I SHOULD practice every day. I SHOULD meditate. I SHOULD eat only healthy foods. I SHOULD only drink water or green tea. SHOULD SHOULD SHOULD. I’m sick and tired of the moral imperatives coming from the yoga community telling me I’m less than my best. I used to feel empowered by my yoga practice but now it’s become one more thing I SHOULD do.
A counselor friend once said that she tells her clients to “stop ‘shoulding’ all over themselves.” Rather than listen to everyone else tell me what’s best for me, I’m going to go back to listening to myself. It makes me sad that I feel like I’ve lost the serene, happy Abby while trying to incorporate something that was supposed to increase serenity and happiness.
We’re heading up to Maine this weekend and I think I’m going to use the change of pace and the close proximity to the ocean to do some thinking about what really does work best for me to support me as a person and as a teacher.
I’ll check back in when I return.